theplaymaker | Troy not alone in New York

"Can I see Juilliard?" There was a hint of excitement in his voice. Even though it was a year later and they were sophomores now, he still thought about the "what if" of Juilliard and New York City. When she grabbed him though he didn't resist the tug, following right along. "Not even. I'd be a lousy date if I made the girl pay."

But when they were in line, he didn't say much. Instead he allowed his guard to drop again. He was still pretty pathetic, pretty broken if he was honest with himself, and he hated that description so much. His fingers were flexing inside his pocket like he still had a grip on his phone and he was allowing his eyes to roam but not linger too long.

At the question he focused on Kelsi though. "…smooth, Kelsi." He wasn't too disturbed though, giving her another easy-going grin. "…and I don't know. I'm pretty proud of him but it's…I don't know. I don't know a whole lot right now." He was lacking his own brain to mouth filter, it seemed.

"…sorry. That didn't come out right."

"Think it did, Troy. I think I get it." Kelsi was still watching him, really trying to read his face. It worked less than she'd have liked, but enough to worry her. There wasn't much else she could do though, aside from being there, taking him out to eat frozen yogurt and talk, because she did think he needed to talk.

"It's not easy. I don't know a lot of things, either."

Despite his claims that he wasn't the captain, the fact of the matter was that Troy Bolton was still the alpha dog of the Wildcats. The longer he stood in line with Kelsi though the faster he was starting to crumble and he silently thanked whoever was listening that he wasn't prone to public meltdowns. Instead he just slipped his hands in his pockets, fiddling with his wallet and his keys.

"I think you know a lot. You're a conductor, Kels. You know more about all of us than I think you've ever let on." He glanced at her from the corner of his eye. "For example, I know you know more about Ryan Evans than even his own twin does sometimes. You might even know the new Chad better than I do."

"It's not difficult to see more than Sharpay does. She wants to see what she wants to see, not what is actually there." She paused for a moment, worrying her lower lip before continuing. "That's probably the one point where you are similar. Only you always try to see the best in other people, not what'd be best for you."

She shook her head as she continued. "Chad... He hasn't changed that much. He only changed what he had to and then, what he wanted to. All because he figured out who he liked. It's coming together, but he's still the same Chad. Promise."

"She's not that bad," he cut in, once again proving Kelsi's point exactly. "I saw her this summer, she's changed a lot. It's just…hard to see it sometimes." He shrugged again, watching Kelsi a little more closely.

"Not that I don't wish she'd lay off Chad a little. Ryan knows what he's doing…I think." But at that he visibly looked a little more relieved. "Is it dumb that I wasn't really sure? About Chad, not about Ryan. Ryan's exactly the same."

"No, that's not dumb. You thinking that Ryan hasn't changed, that is dumb." Kelsi couldn't help but smile and she'd have said more if they hadn't reached the counter by then and she placed her order, waiting for Troy to follow suit and pay. Such a gentleman, but that was hardly surprising.

He rolled his eyes but he didn't get a chance to argue yet as they approached the counter. On the bright side he didn't have to worry about Kelsi judging him for binge-eating. A stack of waffles with frozen yogurt it was. He grabbed for his wallet and paid with his credit card, tucking everything back in his pockets before indicating they step out of the way to wait for their food.

"What about that is dumb?"

"Do you think you've changed, at least for a while, that summer in Lava Springs, with Sharpay all over you? Now imagine a lifetime of that, only instead of building you up she's holding you down just a bit below herself. Then you get the scholarship to Juilliard instead of her and you're on your own for the first time in your life, no one holding you back, but no one dragging you along, either." Kelsi looked at the toppings being scooped over their yogurt as she talked, shrugging finally and looking back at Troy again.

"In a nutshell."

"Sounds familiar," he remarked as casually as possible, keeping his eyes glued to their food. He was a lot hungrier than he thought he was, but he also couldn't have this conversation looking her in the face. "Having to live up to someone else's plans for you and then getting a chance to break free? I guess you're right, that would change anyone." Even if he didn't like the entire change.

"What about you then?"

Kelsi smiled for a moment, not because it was funny, but because it was working. She didn't really want to bring up Troy's father directly after all, but luckily he seemed to put two and two together very fast. "Me? I don't know about me. I'm just writing."

He definitely got it. He'd tackle the whole thing with his father once he had food but currently he was more interested in Kelsi. "Saying that you're just writing is like saying I'm just playing basketball or Ryan's just acting. It's a huge part of who we are, and that part's always going to constantly change. I guess I just want to know how much."

"I don't know. Writing always feels different, but not because I change. Only depends on what I write. I'm not special the way you are or Ryan is, but I can write and imagine what it'd be like to be anyone doing anything and that's more than enough change." As their food was ready Kelsi stepped forward to take her order, looking around. "Do you wanna keep walking or sit down?"

He was close to telling her to stop telling him he was special, but he shut up again. "It's because you have the biggest imagination out of all of us. You know that. You can create worlds and people and events, and Ryan creates the motions. That's why you two are the artists and the rest of us are the canvas."

He grabbed his food, looking at it briefly before glancing outside.

"Somewhere outside we can sit?

"You make for a very beautiful canvas." Kelsi laughed, then nodded, leading the way back outside. "We could go back to the campus, might make meeting Chad easier." She looked at Troy from the side, then decided to just go for it. "How long are you gonna stay?"

"Why thank you." He couldn't help the small mock-bow that came after that as he followed the girl back outside. He broke off a piece of the waffle, putting it in his mouth to fill the void of not answering immediately.

"Not sure yet. I've got time to hang out for a while..." Which of course wasn't true, but it wasn't that much of a lie either. "Maybe a week or two, maybe longer. "

"If you need any help figuring things out, ask me." It was the closest she got to just calling him on his bullshit. She bumped him from the side while starting to eat her own waffle while they walked back the way they'd come from.

"I like having you here. Piece of East High."

He knew better than to try and bullshit Kelsi. Trying to bullshit Kelsi was like trying to tell Sharpay never to wear pink ever again. He just went through the motions, giving her a little grin as he nodded to himself.

"...somewhere...not so open, okay?" He murmured around a piece of waffle before swallowing, clearing his throat to speak louder.

"It's been way too long since I've seen you guys. You especially, I didn't get to see you much at Ryan's thing back home. That's sort of the downside of graduation, huh?"

"Don't worry, there is plenty of space to hide out. I tend to go for those places anyway." She nodded at his question, smiling slightly. "It's a bittersweet thing. I wish we could all have stayed at the same place. But on the other hand, I think it's necessary to meet new people and make new experiences in order to move forward."

"Some of us did stay in the same place though and they're changing. Look at Chad. Look at Sharpay and Zeke..." He wasn't going to comment about spaces to hide. He knew Kelsi understood and that was good enough for him. "But then there's you and there's Ryan and there's me and--well, everybody, I guess. We couldn't stop it if we tried."

He fell silent again, just following behind her while eating with one hand and sticking fairly close by. It was a lot more comfortable than he felt in the last few days (not counting Chad. Chad always counted. Usually.)

"There's more than one way of staying in the same place, Troy. Do you think you've really moved from your place since graduation? Other than physically." She slowed down enough to be able to watch Troy's face, mostly just so she'd know if she said something too much, something Troy wasn't ready to deal with yet.

He remained silent again, eyes shifting to look at his food instead of at Kelsi. The deeper in the conversation they got, the more confused he was becoming.

"...probably not," he admitted. "It's weird. Everybody else is changing around me and I'm not. Why?" It went back to Chad changing, and especially to what Gabriella said. Two different directions.

It was probably appropriate to shove a large bite of frozen yogurt in his mouth then.

"I suppose maybe you feel like you're not changing because you didn't really want to change anymore. All set." With Gabriella and a new plan for the future. "But most of us aren't like that, so we're still figuring things out. Doesn't mean we will change completely. Just adjust."

She was correct. Troy had blazed through the trail and changed and evolved until he was in a happy place. And now, currently, that happy place had been lit on fire and crumbled around him and he didn't know which direction to grow into.

"…Kelsi let me ask you something. What is it that you really want to do with your life? Do you know?"

"No," she admitted right away, as she kept eating, "I don't know. I want a lot of things, but I also play it by ear a little. I didn't think I'd make it here, then when I started to hope I would I did try really hard. Now I'm here and just trying to keep up."

She paused for a moment before continuing. "I know I want to keep writing, composing, I want my musicals to be performed. And maybe I'll date someone eventually. Who's not a gay guy."

It was about that moment that Troy realized just how different he was from the rest of his friends. It was startling, a little unsettling actually. Had he really been so far ahead that now he felt behind? Was that even possible?

"…you think it's okay not to know then?"

That's what it all came down to, really. Troy had grown up having to have a plan with Coach drilling it into his head that he had to have his future mapped out. And he thought it was cool to be in charge of his future…until it actually happened. Now he sort of wished somebody else was controlling it.

"I know what I want but I think I have to change some stuff." He paused, nibbling at the waffle again. There was a small smirk though.

"Question. Did you know Ryan was gay before you guys dated?"

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